Amarnath Online

A young Chartered Accountant, straight out of institute, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.

“I need someone with an accounting degree,” says the man, “but mainly I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”

“How do you mean?” says the Chartered Accountant.

“I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters.”

“OK,” says the Chartered Accountant. “How much are you offering?”

“You can start on seventy-five thousand,” says the owner.

“Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?”

“That,” says the man, “is your first worry.”

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What’s the definition of an Chartered Accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
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What’s the definition of a good tax Accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
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When does a person decide to become an Chartered Accountant?
When he realises he doesn’t have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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Why did God invent economists?
So Accountants could have someone to laugh at.
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What’s an actuary?
An Chartered Accountant without the sense of humour.
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Why do some Chartered Accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
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What’s the difference between an Chartered Accountant and a lawyer?
The Chartered Accountant knows he is boring.
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What’s an extroverted Chartered Accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
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What do you call an Chartered Accountant who is seen talking to someone?
Popular
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What’s the most wicked thing a group of young Auditors can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
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What do Chartered Accountants do for fun?
Add the telephone book.
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What does an Chartered Accountant say when you ask him the time?
It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……
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Why did the Chartered Accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours?
Because on the box it said Concentrate.
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What do Chartered Accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
Depreciation.
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If an Auditor’s wife can’t get to sleep, what does she say?
“Tell me about work today, dear”
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What does CPA stand for?
Can’t Produce Anything
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A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, “I’m a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We’re here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?”

The owner replies, “I don’t have an opinion. I’m a Chartered Accountant.”
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The Chartered Accountant had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”
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Chartered Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:

“No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn’t be tax deductible, but I like your thinking”.

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